i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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