There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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