Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
