I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
