i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
