Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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