Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
