you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
