your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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