I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
