Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
