my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
