I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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