I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
