For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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