It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
