hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
