Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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