my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
