I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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