i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
