hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
