just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
