Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
