Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
