Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
