a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
