I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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