Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
