My nipple is on Facebook.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
