Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
