what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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