Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
