loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
