my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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