There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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