Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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