He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
