Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
