VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
