All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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