If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
