I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
