Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
