dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
