I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
