weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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