dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
