I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
