If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
