This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
