Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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