My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
