Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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