Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
