So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
