I smell stomach acid.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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