im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
