is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
