I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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