ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize