the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
