Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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